10+ -> 9 -> 7 -> 5 -> 3 -> 1.

You remember a dream you had when you were very young.

9-You remember a dream you had a while ago.

7- You remember a dream from long ago.

5- You remember an old dream.

3- Remember that dream?

1- Dream

When you were a kid, you did not have a care in the world.

9- When you were little, you had very few problems.

7- As a kid, you had few problems.

5- You didn't have many problems.

3- You were naïve.

1- Young.

You were jealous of your older siblings because they were allowed to stay up later than you.

9- You envied that your siblings could stay up late.

7- You were jealous of your siblings' bedtime.

5- You envied your siblings' bedtime.

3- You were jealous.

1- Envy.

Essay Reflection

1- What is your essay about? (concept not plot.)

In short, this essay is about growing up. More specifically, it is growing up as the youngest of three girls - always being jealous, and now regretting it.

2- What was the most challenging aspect of writing and rewriting this essay.

Hmmmm. The most challenging aspect of writing this essay was probably getting the ideas for the concrete examples. For a while, I was stuck. I had no idea what to write about. Then, I had a brain-blast, and thought about writing about about Maternal Deprivation. It was really random, since my mom had mentioned it to me for some reason a few years ago. I had a little trouble making it long enough. I had to pry open my mind to elaborate on my ideas, which I guess was a good thing even though it was frustrating.

3- If you could go back and make changes or additions, what would you do? Why?

I would put more in my paragraph about growing up. I feel like I could have just said more about the idea, but just didn't have time to elaborate. While writing it, I couldn't think of more to say. But if I could have just thought about it for more time, I feel like I could have written much more. I could have added more ideas about what it was like to be little and jealous of my sisters. I would maybe add another paragraph about the experiment: A Class Divided. It is interesting how people pick on people based on looks, even at such a young age. I could have elaborated a lot on this subject, since there's so much to say.

4- What was most unexpected - or unexpectedly fun - about writing this essay.

I think this is the most fun essay I have ever written. Usually, I think to myself: "Oh great. An essay." And that's how I started out this time as well. However, it was so much fun to write! I always thought that that was an interesting dream, and was glad to write it down. Writing about growing up was really interesting to me. I never really realized how much I miss being a little kid. I also really enjoyed doing research. I found the study Maternal Deprivation to be intriguing. I'm interested in psychology, so to go into more depth was motivating. Researching the minuet was the most fun, however. I was looking on YouTube, and found some very interesting people dancing the minuet. I found a commercial for Harry Potter: The Goblet of Fire transformed into a commercial for Twilight with a voice-over, which was hilarious.

Harry and Bear

Harry is one of my dogs. He is presumably half great dane, half black labrador retriever. We believe he's 11 years old, and quite tall, about 3ft tall. We got him when I was about five years old. We rescued him when he was just one year old. His previous owner would leave him in a warehouse for days at a time, without any food or water. We picked him up in Watsonville, and drove home. Because of his prior treatment, he had some behavior problems. He was very loving towards us, but thought he always had to protect us. When guests would come in our house, he would growl, believing that they were intruders. When we first got him, my friend Maia went to give him a huge hug, and he nipped at her hand, and growled. Now we know we always have to put him outside whenever we have company. Last year, he weighed as much as I did. He enjoys cuddling up on his bed, and taking long naps. He loves going on walks around the block. If we even mention the word "walk," he goes crazy and starts howling and "singing." One of his favorite pass-times is eating. He'll eat anything he can get, including our recycling, trash, and bees and other insects. Sometimes, my family and I think that Harry is a little confused about 

his size - meaning he believes he is a very small dog. If you're sitting on the couch, he'll jump up, and sit on your lap, practically crushing you.

Bear is my other dog. The veterinarian assumes that he is half shar-pei, half golden labrador retriever, and 12 years old. He is not trained at all. If you throw a ball, or a squeaky toy, and say "fetch," he'll look at you like you're crazy. Later, after you give up and walk away, he'll go get it, lay down on his bed, and try to the best to his abilities to tear it up. He is quite old, and almost deaf. His main activity is sleeping. That's pretty much what he does all day. He also drinks water a lot. Whenever we refill his water bowl, he gets up, and slurps loudly until it's empty. One of his goals in life is to make sure the water bowl is empty. This little fellow is obsessed with my mother. He follows her around the house constantly. If she moves into another room when he doesn't notice, he will search every room in the house until he finds her. Sometimes, my mom will purposefully run out of the room to play hide-and-seek with him. When my mom comes home from work, he's usually pouting in the backyard, laying down in the grass. A few years ago, he was diagnosed with lymphoma, a type of cancer. Being the animal lovers that we are, we decided for him to have surgery. He had a huge scar and a bald spot for a few weeks, but eventually the hair grew back. He has been going in every few weeks to get chemotherapy, and gets pills every night. So far, he's outlived any other dog with this cancer, knock on wood, and he gets through his days. I think it's partly out of love that we have for him. 

3 conceptual questions about childhood memory

Why is the relationship between friends so powerful?
Maia was one of my very first friends. I know I can tell her anything. When I was younger, I would have a play date with Maia every week. She was the one person I could always rely on. I confided all of my secrets with her, and she told me all of hers. I trusted her, and I learned to be myself around her. This story is an example of one of the crazy things we would do together, just because we could. Together, we made up many games, and learned how to use teamwork to get out of the problems we encountered.

Why is making up games important?

Making up games requires creativity. No game could be fun if there was no creativity involved in creating it. Maia and I made up the game of getting the beanie babies stuck in the tree to avoid being bored. It also takes problem-solving skills to deal with the results of the game. We had to figure out a solution to get the beanie babies out of the tree.

Why do children often attach themselves to inanimate objects?
In this story, I was very attached to my beanie babies. They were my friends, and I really cared about them. I attached myself to them so that I would have friends who would never abandon me. I could tell them all of my secrets because I knew that they would keep them (since they could not talk.) They were under my control, so they would have to do what I said. They could not leave after a fun play date like my real friends. I felt like I was in charge of them, and it gave me a sense of leadership and power.

Beanie Babies in the Tree

It all started on September 14, 2004, when I was 10 years old. My friend Maia, whom I have known since I was 2 years old, came over to my house for a play date. She has been over to my house hundreds of times, so we were looking for something new to do. We were getting hungry, so my mom gave us the great idea to have a picnic on my front lawn. Being little kids, we decided to invite all 39 of my beanie babies to come with us. We set up a blanket on the long grass under the tiny bit of shade from the young tree, and brought out a picnic basket. Inside was everything we needed to enjoy a lovely picnic, including PB & J sandwiches, plates, mini water bottles, bananas, and napkins. We set up my beanie babies on the blanket, then sat down and enjoyed a lovely picnic. A bulldog named Wrinkles was my favorite beanie baby, so he sat next to me. While we were eating, we watched all of the people go by, and chatted with each other and the beanie babies. When we finished eating, we stared up at the crisp blue sky, through the bright green leaves of the little tree. Suddenly, a fantastic idea popped into my mind.

"What if we threw the beanie babies up in the tree, and tried to get them caught in the branches?" I asked Maia.

"Woah! That would be so much fun!" She replied.

So, that is exactly what we did. We would take turns tossing the beanie babies up. If you got one stuck in the tree, you got to throw another. It was so satisfying to get one stuck, especially near the top of the tree. Sometimes, we would throw the little animals so high, that they would hit the electrical wire above the tree. At first, Maia and I were scared that they would catch on fire, or that the wire would fall down. When nothing happened, we both laughed. Some beanie babies were much more difficult to get caught in the branches than others. I remember Tini, the little chihuahua was the last one left, and it took Maia and I several tries until he finally got stuck. Some were easier to get wedged in the tree. I remember tossing up Valentina and Valentino the bears up near the top of the tree. I refused to throw my little Wrinkles up, just in case he never came down. When all of the other beanie babies were stuck in the branches of the tree, we were posed with the problem of getting them down.

At first, we both though that we could just climb the little tree and toss the beanie babies down. After several attempts to climb up, we realized that the tree was too little to climb, even for us 10 year olds. Now, we were really stumped. We could not just leave them up there to die! We pondered our little dilemma for a few minutes, and thought it out logically. We needed something that would not get stuck that we could throw up in the tree to knock down the beanie babies. Maia thought of using a basketball, since it was heavy enough not to get stuck. After getting it out of the garage, we aimed it at Spike the rhino, since he was near the bottom. After a few tries, we knocked him out of the tree, and he landed with a little "poof" in the luscious grass.

We were able to get all of them down except for Valentino and Valentina, who were way up near the top. We could not throw the heavy basketball up high enough to knock them free. We did not know what to do. At that time, Maia's mother came to pick her up. We told each other that, since it was early September, it would not rain, so they could enjoy the view from the top of the tree until our next play date.

The next time Maia came over was two weeks later. We were so glad that it did not rain, and ruin the two love bears. We went into the garage to see if we could find anything that could help us get them down. Maia spied a big broom, and thought that we could use the handle to poke them out. So, we unscrewed the handle from the brush part, and took it out to the tree. I tried to reach Valentina, but she was too high for me. Since Maia was taller, she tried. She could not reach them either, but was closer than I was. I ended up getting down on my knees, and she climbed on my back. With the extra height, she could poke them both down! I picked up the white bear Valentino, and gave him a big hug. When we went to get the magenta Valentina from the grass, we noticed that she was sunburned! About half of her body was a very light pink where the color faded. I gave her a hug anyways, because I was glad to have her in my arms again.

I told Maia that I could not stand being away from some of my beanie babies again. She agreed completely, and we both decided that this game was much too risky for our little friends. So, next time Maia came over, we thought of a new game.

Questions for Tobias Wolff

1) Many of your stories have parents abandoning or hurting their children. Where does your inspiration for this come from?

2) In "Bullet in the Brain," why does Anders keep bothering the robbers? Does he want to die?

3) Why doesn't Tub notice the tracks in "Hunters in the Snow"?

Zoom Out

"It vexed him to get lost like this in front of his son, especially since the fault lay with the lousy map the Academy had sent him, but Owen was in one of his trances and didn't seem to notice." "Nightengale" Our Story Begins p. 337 Tobias Wolff

"I cannot believe this map that the Academy sent us! It's terrible!" cried Dr. Booth.

"Un hun" mumbled Owen in a trance.

"You can clearly see that it's not my fault we are lost."

"Un hun" Owen grumbled vaguely.

"I just cannot believe this." His father ranted.

"Dad, this map clearly represents what the Academy is like. It's going to be just as confusing and un-useful as this silly map." Owen exclaimed.

"You know what Owen, this one faulty map means nothing of the sort Owen. Do not even try to change my mind. It's just that this foolish map keeps getting us lost..." His father replied, taking yet another wrong turn.

"Un hun" Owen muttered, returning to being in a daze.

When Owen was first born, Dr. Booth and his wife wanted him to have a good life. Owen was a good boy. He did well in school, and did what his parents asked him to. When the brochure for Fort Steel Academy arrived in the mail, Dr. Booth knew that his son would go there. He wanted his son to grow up, and be mature. He did not want his son to be humiliated after loosing class elections like he was. After so many arguments with his wife and son, he would not change his mind. Owen was going to Fort Steel Academy. 

After his time at the Academy, Owen finally came home. He was not the same boy that his father dropped off. He had, in fact, grown up. He didn't say anything without being spoken to, and completed every single task his parents asked of him.

A few years went by, and Owen got married to a girl he met through his old friends. He still acted as though he was at the Academy, still only speaking when his wife asked him a question. They had a son, Carl, and Owen sent him to Fort Steel Academy to follow in his footsteps. Even though his wife and son disagreed, he would have it no other way. Carl was going to Fort Steel Academy.

As Dr. Booth and his son drove to the Academy, it started to drizzle. They both heard the "tap tap tap" on the car as they rode along. While they were not speaking, they could hear the deep hum of the engine, and the faint whirr of the fan. The birds were not making a sound, and stayed bundled up in their nests. It was getting colder outside, and the side windows started to fog up near the two warm bodies. The rain stopped, and the sun peered over the trees. Every so often, a few drops would slip off the tree branches, and echo off the roof of the car.